As a mom, I realize the importance of a good list. I create them for the grocery, I write down to-do's, and then sometimes I make lists that include reminders to consult other lists. As a blogger, I write lists almost weekly. They make up some of my more popular posts with my readers, probably because a good list could save your life or mine on a daily basis. There are countless items that make motherhood easier in each of it's stages, so why not list them?
But I have to be honest. If I had to create one master list encompassing all the most crucial items I couldn't survive motherhood without, it would be short. Really short. In fact, my list would have only just one little item. I know what you are thinking- it has to be coffee. And no, although coffee and wine are certainly helpers in their own right, I could probably make it without them (ok, barely).
The one thing I couldn’t survive motherhood without? A friend.
I bet you can hear James Taylor singing in the background already- "you just call out my name, and you know wherever I am..."
But I'm dead serious. Friendship might be the most vital resource for living a happy life as a mother, especially in those first few months when we are mom babies raising real babies. Simply put, there is no replacement for a morning text from a friend asking me "Hey, how is Meredith's temperature this morning?’
It’s not out of requirement, your friends don’t have to be nice to you because of familial obligation—they check on us because they care. They want us to be happy, and thrive in life. Sometimes we take it for granted, how nice it is that a few people in this big ol' world care about our well-being.
And when I say we, I definitely mean me. Before I had my daughter, I took for granted the importance of having a support group or "tribe" as the cool kids say. They were there, and I loved every friend I had. But since becoming a mother, the importance of a having few great girlfriends has magnified.
Sometimes it's just important to have that one person who doesn't mind if you text her at 5 a.m. because you have a crazy looking bump on your nipple. Other times you just need a friend to meet you for coffee and a good hug. You can't bottle up all your worries and fears without losing your sanity. At least I can't. So, instead of inundating my mom with all my crazy texts or turning to prescription medication, I've relied on my friendships to help keep me sane.
Friendship is also a handy antidote to the occasional motherhood blues. Although it seems it would be the opposite, motherhood can sometimes be a frighteningly lonesome gig. When you have a precious someone in your life who keeps up with your day-to-day because he or she simply loves who you are, your sense of self worth multiplies. And maybe, hopefully those feelings of anxiety and loneliness float away.
I’ve chosen to elevate my friendships as a priority in my life since becoming a mother. They are my safety blanket, and my source of comfort on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. When things go south in life, it’s crucial to have someone to lean on. And I try my hardest every day to be that person who can be leaned on as well.
If you don’t have a friend, find one. And if you can't find one, email me. I would love to be your friend. For women and mothers, having someone to tell about your greatest fears or triumphs is necessary for happiness.
If you do one thing for yourself as a mom, find your tribe, your army, your support group, your person. And when you find her, be there when she needs you too--winter, spring, summer or fall 🎶.