We polled a diverse group of not-so-basic moms about a wide range of topics this week, and these are the hilarious, unfiltered answers we received:
1) Imagine you have a guilt free night alone with no kids, no friends, and no obligations. How do you spend your time?
"A guilt free, kid free night to myself?! First, I'd pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming, then I would totally indulge MYSELF. I would treat myself to mani, pedi, massage and facial. I would then go home and binge-watch Netflix and DVR until I fell asleep! " - Jessica M.
"On the couch with a glass of wine catching up on my DVR shows, in my PJ's." -Meagan S.
"My evening would consist of the following: stripping naked, popping open a bottle of wine, busting open a carton of my favorite ice cream, making sure the AC is set on 68 (the temperature of heaven), getting my fave blanket and stretching out on my comfy couch. At that point, I would binge watch Girls, Pride and Prejudice, and quite possibly some porn depending on how much booze I drank." -Jessie M.
"I would eat some amazing food while it's hot and stay in a hotel where I don't feel obligated to clean or organize anything! I would soak in a hot bath without someone staring at me, trying to poke my boobs (my 2 year old thinks they are so funny) or watching my belly jiggle when she smacks it." -Cheyenne R.
"I would like to say I would do glamorous things like take a long shower and read a good book or, heaven forbid, work out. But in reality, I would probably end up watching a chick flick and falling asleep on the couch by 10."- Jillian B.
2) The first few weeks after bringing home baby can be challenging for your morale. What did you do to feel good in your own skin post-delivery?
"Hahahahaha...there is no recovery from the damage to your body. I just learned to love me for me...including the baby pooch and stretch marks. And trust me, men don't care one bit." - Jessie M.
"I still struggle with feeling good in my skin. After my first baby, I only gained 17 pounds. My body bounced back pretty fast. Putting on pre-pregnancy clothes that fit felt great!! The pregnancy with the twins was a whole different ball game. I gained 70 pounds and I have lots of stretched skin. I truly struggle feeling comfortable now. I mean how sexy is tucking your extra skin into jeans? I have to tell myself often that - regardless of what I look like on the outside - my body has done amazing things. I carried two babies almost full term and I have the scars to prove it!" -Cheyenne R.
"To be honest, I still don't feel good in my post baby (and now baby) body. I suffered from post-partum depression after my son was born, so absolutely nothing made me feel good in my skin, mind, and -at the time- world. I don't have much advice in this department, but I would encourage women to seek help for PPD and not put it off like I did. After treatment for PPD, I did find that exercising made me feel much better! Zumba classes with other awesome ladies and mommas really helped when I finally felt like going!" - Jessica M.
"I became best friends with my group of educated professionals: The lactation consultants, baby's pediatrician, my OB, the leader of my mommy group. I also connected with a Facebook group of moms from all over the world who gave birth the same month I did. That made me feel less alone." - Jillian B.
3) What's the most ridiculous/hilarious thing you have done because you are a sleep deprived mom?
"I woke up my husband and verbally assaulted him in the middle of the night over eating my last Dove chocolate and didn't remember until he told me what I had done the next day." -Meagan S.
"I have 4 kids. The past 17 years have been a blur. I am sure there are many hilarious stories containing events that I was a apart of, but I can't remember them. Just like I can't remember my kids birthdays half the time, where I park, or the last time I shaved." -Jessie M.
"I have probably done a ton of ridiculous things while exhausted from mom life. The most ridiculous happened while taking the twins to their first doctors appointment. My breast pump had not come in yet and we had just been released from the hospital 24 hours before. I was hand pumping on the way to the appointment. I walk in, forgetting to pull my shirt down. I flashed an entire waiting room my extremely swollen boobs. Thankfully my nursing bra was still partially on!" -Cheyenne R.
"I put Butt Paste on my toothbrush multiple times throughout my son's first year of life. I also mistakingly used peroxide to remove make-up thinking it was eye-makeup remover, and occasionally used Astringent as mouthwash." - Jessica M.
"Looking back on those first 6 months when I wasn't sleeping for more than 3 or 4 hours consecutively, I literally have no idea how I managed to keep myself or the baby alive. But now when people without kids tell me they are tired, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard." - Jillian B.